I didn't want to post this on Facebook...

...but I wanted to say it somewhere.  It's not often I have epiphanies like this one.

I just got a new haircut.  I have had long hair for close to 4 years, so this feels like a drastic change. And I'm feeling so empowered right now.  Normally when I get a haircut this drastic it's because I'm trying to get over a guy and I want to make myself feel better.  This time was purely on a whim. I had no idea how good I'd feel with a new cut, and no male-induced depression!

Creeps and Witches

I’m sitting in the Starbucks like a good girl (see 3-6-5: Photo and Writing Challenge: Day 41: Painted Flowers for reference), and I’m getting leary-eyed looks from the guy sitting across from me in the lounging area. It’s creepy. But creepier than that is that this is the second guy to blatantly look at me with obvious lewdness since I left the office 20 minutes ago. The other guy was riding his dirt bike in front of me and weaving around on the empty street like some sort of chubby bad-ass. He was riding a red bullet-bike, and wearing jean shorts (a HUGE pet peeve of mine with motorcyclists. It’s like they’re ASKING to have the skin removed from their legs). He looked to be about 5’9”- 5’10” or so, maybe 250 lbs, with short white-blonde hair sticking out unevenly beneath his helmet. NOT my type. When we stopped at the light, I could see him checking me out from his rear-view mirror. I was amused until he turned around (and he had to turn all the way around because he had no peripheral vision in his ugly helmet) and – I’m not joking or making this up – he pulled the double eyebrows on me. It was so violating! It was also around that moment when I realized he looked a lot like Chris Farley, except not funny. At all.

Both times I haven’t had a clue how to react to these guys, aside from looking away. Although, to be honest, I probably gave them both dirty looks because when I’m truly shocked and grossed out like that, I can’t help but give dirty looks…I’ve been told. I actually don’t notice at all when I do it.

As I sit here writing this little diatribe about the creep in front of me, he continues to look up from his book and stare. I glanced up a moment ago to find him tonguing his iced coffee as he looked at me with interest. I just threw up in my mouth a little, having to type that violating moment out. Let’s set aside the fact that he’s a pervert, and talk about his fashion sense for a minute. This puny creep can’t be taller than 5’7”, weighing no more than a buck twenty five, probably closer to a buck, with dark blonde, spikey hair, and a pock-marked face. Probably a nine-to-fiver like me, it looks like he shrank after he put his clothes on. He’s wearing a burnt-orange button up (that’s too big) with what looks like baggy tweed slacks that are too short (the tops of his white tube socks are clearly visible). Cap it off with a braided belt (saw it when he stood up for a refill) and the tan 90’s Doc Martins (that he’s probably had since the 90’s), and you’ve got a nerdy cubicle rat plotting his next kill. I feel like I should be more afraid, but I’m just really grossed out.

I feel so ashamed too, because I almost just typed, “at least this guy isn’t as ugly as the other one.” That may not be as offensive if I had ACTUALLY seen the other guy’s face. But most of his face was covered in his helmet. I’m basing this comparison solely on the fact that the other guy was fat and blonde. Also, after reading this entry, I realized how shallow I really am.

I am a bad person.

Chores and Homework

I am in charge of updating the blog for my company, which is laughable considering how often I update my personal blog. Needless to say, I'm a little behind. I'm supposed to make an entry every time we have a company party or event. Problem is: we have company parties/events about every other month, and clearly, I'm only comfortable updating a blog once a year. So...I'm about 9 posts behind on my company blog, and still I'm not doing it.

My new rule: I have to update my personal blog before I update my company blog because my boss has made it a priority, so I have to do it anyway. This way I might get in the habbit of updating my personal stuff better (not likely, but it's worth a shot).

I have problems with crap like this all the time. If I really enjoy something, it automatically becomes the one thing I hate the most when I'm REQUIRED to do it instead of doing it for fun. It's like when I was a little girl and I would play around on the piano for fun. I begged and begged my mom to send me to piano lessons, and when she finally gave in I HATED it. I barely made it thru 2 years of that crap before I finally refused to do it anymore. Now I love to play piano as long as no one is listening and they don't put in any requests. And for Pete's sake, don't ask me to play accompaniment for anything! Even if I can do it!

I used to really love writing...when no one was telling me how or what to write. Now it's the most difficult task in the world! I litterally sit in front of the computer, with my hands on the keyboard, struggling to form a coherent thought, for HOURS. All those great story ideas I have go right out the window. That witty phrase I thought of this morning in the shower? Gone. All I can think is, "I hate this." I could pull a "Shining" and just type, "All work and no play makes Valerie a dull girl," over and over again.

But that would just be creepy.

This is exactly why I won't take pictures for money. If someone goes and taints my love of photography too...I'll have to whip out a can of whoop-ass.

Intro

So I've decided to start this diary to document just how incapable I am at being normal in public. I figured, if I could write things down as soon as I make a fool of myself, then it would prove to my unbelieving family that, in fact, I have a legitimate disability.

I'll try to write in it every day to document each uneventfull moment of my sad existance, but if this proves even too boring for me then I may settle for only occasional entries when I do something truely idiotic. I'll play it by ear.

I should also note (in case this account gets into the wrong hands) that this is very private, and should not be read unless given express permission from the author (Moi). If I find that someone has read this without my permission, great penalties will ensue. Or in other words, prepare to reap the whirlwind, my friend.

Letting Off Steam

I came to the realization this morning that I have a tendancy to start off every conversation with my sister with the word, kill. I'm not sure why I feel like hostility is the best place to start a conversation, but it seems that's my main objective these days. Maybe that's because I'm struggling with my job or because I'm in the middle of a move. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm being smothered by one of my friends or that the existance of my love life has mysteriously disappeared yet again.

Actually, I don't think it has to do with any of that. I think my hostility to my sister is caused by my lack of backbone. You see, I'm too afraid of everyone else to tell them how frustrating, rude, or stressful they are to me. So instead, I bottle it up until I can vent it to someone I'm not afraid of: my sister.

I have a sinking suspicion that this isn't an effective way to deal with my problems.

Twilight: The Movie

Ok, I'm the first to admit that I'm a huge Twilight fan. I've read all the books(several times), obsessed over Stehpenie Meyer's website, gone to book signings, bought memorabilia, and even went on a tour through the Olympic coast to see landmarks from the book.

I really like Twilight.

I'll even admit to being excited when I heard news that a possible movie was in the making. But I'm here to say that I've officially changed my mind, and I'll tell you why.

(spoiler alert)
For those of you who haven't gotten on the bandwagon yet: Twilight is a book about a girl (Bella) who meets and then falls in love with a vampire (Edward). The whole point of the story is that Bella is completely ordinary and Edward is inhumanly gorgeous, and yet they have this amazing connection that defies logic and instinct.

And let me just say, Edward is the perfect guy. There's nothing he isn't good at. He's got the looks and the brains and the skill, and he's got this whole tortured soul thing going on (which is incredibly attractive, even for a fictional character). Did I mention that he is really, really, really, incredibly, good-looking? Their love story is epic. It's what every girl dreams about - aside from the vampire thing. Which is why almost every woman I know has died over this book as soon as she cracked the cover.

So why are you upset about the movie, you might ask. I'll tell you why...

Because of THIS:

THIS is who they cast as Edward...

I KNOW!!
(For those of you who don't recognize him, this is the guy who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.) Now, I realize that some people think he's attractive, but I say to those people, "ARE YOU MENTAL!?"

He looks like a caveman!!!

How is that attractive? Whoever cast this movie must have been high! Did they forget the all-too-important fact that Edward is supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous?!?

Now I'm a pretty positive person. I try to keep up a positive attitude when it comes to things like books being made into movies because I generally like to be happy. So when I first found out about the casting of Edward, I tried to keep a hopeful attitude going about the movie (despite the obscene casting choice). For a while I was bouyed up by the knowledge that they did a pretty good job casting Bella.

The actress herself kind of annoys me, but I think she'll be a pretty good Bella, regardless. In fact, I even went so far as to hope that she could make Robert Pattinson (the caveman) look better.

That was, until my co-worker showed me an update on Stephenie Meyer's website this morning. This is the cast for the cullen family:

...

Oh, no. It's get's better...



Meyer's Website

I'm not even gonna comment on those. Instead, I'm going to move on to the more crucial information we found out this morning: this article from the MTV Movies Blog. In it, Kristen Stewart (the pick for Bella) speaks about her excitement for the movie. For the most part, it was pretty cute the way she gushed about it. At first she seemed to be a fan of Twilight. Well, at least until this part:

"But don’t get fooled into thinking this is going to be 'The Notebook' for the undead. 'The main character is like, superhuman,' Stewart said of the action scenes in the script. 'He’s a vampire, but with really [heightened powers]; he can run faster than a car can drive, and he’s super strong. He throws me over his back [in one scene], right before he’s going to tell me that he’s a vampire, and then he runs over the treetops. And we’re going to be in real treetops; we’re not just going to CGI it. We actually get to go up there, and that’s what I’m stoked on.'"

I'm sorry. WHAT? When, in any of Meyer's three Twilight series books did Edward and Bella run over tree tops? And furthermore, why the heck is Edward running in any forest with Bella before he tells her what he is??? Does this mean that they're cutting out the Port Angeles section, because that just can't happen!

I'm not kidding about this.

The Port Angeles section is one of the best parts of all three books! It's the part I giggled like a school-girl about when I first read it, the part I re-read over and over again during my really obsessed time. It simply cannot be skipped! If I were any more passionate about this, I would be picketing in front of the studio.

It was bad enough that they cast a caveman for the role of Edward, that was already a huge blow. Casting a bunch of average people (with bad wigs) to play the Cullen family just added to the already teetering foundation. But skipping the Port Angeles scene and having Edward all but fly was the last straw!

I'll be honest. I am so disappointed.

AARGH!

I have been angry for a solid week now. I can't say exactly what's making me so mad because it's all the little things that send me into flames.

Like when I come home to find someone parked in my favorite parking spot..."flames".
Or when my boss comes to ask me why I didn't get that major project done in time when he never gave it to me in the first place..."on the sides of my face."
Or when my phone at the office rings off the hook for 3 days, and no one else will bother to pick it up but me (it's not like any of the calls are actually for me anyway!)..."heaving, breathl-- heaving breaths."
Or when my house is a complete disaster because my parents are moving back in and taking all of China with them (a 3 bedroom town house CANNOT fit 50 years of accumulated junk...it's humanly impossible. Try explaining that to my dad though)..."heaving...!"

Now I understand why Mrs. White killed Yvette.